Thursday 30 January 2014

On Letting Go

I’m not really a Kenny Rogers kind of girl (or should that be “kind o’ gal”?). I know I moved to the country, but that doesn’t mean my taste in music has changed. There is one of his songs, though, that speaks to me – The Gambler. The particular lines I'm talking about are:
You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, 
Know when to walk away and know when to run.

random photo 1
a creek bed near Silverton NSW
By the way, in researching this, I discovered that Kenny didn’t actually write this song. It was written by that powerhouse of country music, Don Schlitz. Don Who? If you don’t know him from his country songs (I certainly didn’t), you may recognise another song he wrote – “When You Say Nothing At All”, most recently popular in its Ronan Keating incarnation. I quite like that song, but I find it to be a real earworm.

Back on track, after that little side-trip, and I’m talking about knowing when to let go. It sounds simple, but it isn’t. How do you know?

random photo 2
Sturt's Desert Pea, Broken Hill NSW
That was what it was like for me with retirement. As I’ve mentioned before, when I stopped working, I was very reluctant to call it retirement. It made me feel better to just say that I’d stopped working.  I didn’t know if I was ready to retire. Part of it was also a reluctance to let go. Work had been such a big part of my life for so long, it was hard to let it go. So I let go gradually.

I worked part-time for a while, and that suited me really well. It gave me the time I needed to experience what it was like not working, and at the same time kept me connected to the work environment. There wasn’t the sudden loss of connections with people and activities that I’d known for so long. It gave me the opportunity to start building up the non-work connections and activities that I would need when I was not working.

Then, the Big Change – stopping work altogether! It was scary, yet exciting, and I wasn’t sure how I would go. So I STILL didn’t really let go. I kept some (not all) of the work people connections. Some friends really didn’t believe that I would stay retired, and I didn’t disabuse them of that, because I didn’t really know if I believed it either.

random photo 3
lavender in Kangaroo Valley NSW
After some time, I was ready to include work back into my retirement. That may sound strange, but many people partially retire, and I thought that would be good for me. So I did a bit of work. I enjoyed it, mostly, but I noticed that whilst I was still doing the best job I could, and I hope that was good enough for those I was working for, I didn't have the same enthusiasm for it as before.

That work dried up, and it was probably a good thing. I knew I had really let go by my reaction when I went to catch up with a (working) friend. There were all these people sitting around having meetings in the coffee shop, deep in earnest discussion. And I just knew that I couldn't do that and feel I was giving it my best. If I couldn't give it my best, I couldn't do it.

That was me finding out when to fold ‘em. Everyone is different. Some people die at the table! I walked away gradually. For some, they need to run. At some point in the retirement process, everyone needs to let go of work. Trying to work out what kind of letting go is best for you can be hard. One thing I’ve learnt, though, is that, whilst you need to give the option you choose your absolute best shot, it doesn’t have to be the final decision – you can change your mind!

Yep, Kenny, I finally folded, and walked away. I don’t regret it. I did it in the way that worked for me. 
random photo 4
a beach somewhere

Friday 17 January 2014

Words Words Words

Words are amazing things.

I love the way one word can mean many different things. I love the way many words can mean the same thing. I love the way just the tone in which a word is said can change its meaning. I love the way a word can change its meaning over time. Words are amazing things.
a Richard Goodwin sculpture
on exhibition at BRAG

How many ways can the word “really” be used? It’s really warm today. It’s really Friday today, although I thought it was Wednesday. Really? Really!

I also love the way words can be put together in a way that makes them more than the sum of the parts. By this I mean where the group of words when put together in a particular way mean something totally unrelated to what they mean at face value.

This topic came into my head a short time ago when I was thinking about cryptic crosswords. Some people can solve them easily (my father was such a person). Some people are totally bewildered by them. But fundamentally they work on a principle that most people use every day – interpreting words that have been grouped together, trying out meanings until the one that fits best is found.

jenny wren on our dwarf peach
she is now a mother!
When I was growing up, my father often had a weird response to the question of “why?”. It was “because Y is a crooked letter and you can’t straighten it”. I have absolutely no idea what those words “really” mean (they make no sense to me anyway). But I knew exactly what it meant coming from Dad – “stop! I’m either sick of you hassling me with these constant questions, or I don’t know the answer but I’m not going to admit it, so you had better stop now whilst you are still capable of sitting down!”.

Dad had others, too. Like “it’s a wigwam for a goose’s bridle” – that was in response to “what is it?” or “what are you making?”, and is absolute nonsense, but I knew it meant that he wasn’t going to tell me.

some results of my experiment with felting
Dad isn’t the only person I know who said nonsensical things, the meaning of which was clear. I had a boss who would say “when a man’s got rabbit in his blood…(pause)…”. I now know this was probably a mis-quote from “Cool Hand Luke”. At the time I had no idea what it “really” meant (still don’t), but I did understand that it meant my boss was momentarily stumped (that didn’t happen very often) and needed to pause for a bit, and I either had to offer suggestions, or just sit there and shut up until he worked it out.

All of this has absolutely nothing to do with retirement, except perhaps that I have enough time on my hands now that I can ponder things like this. My point from all of this is that words are amazing.

Friday 10 January 2014

That Time of Year

It’s that quiet time of year again. The chaos of Christmas and welcoming in the new year has passed and there are a few weeks before normal life starts all over again. It’s the time of year when I usually take the time to look back over what the previous year was, and look forward to what the coming year can be.

All in all, 2013 was a good year for me. I can look back and be happy. There were big changes, which I don’t usually handle very well, so the fact that I remember the year as happy means I coped just fine.

Country bears catching up with the City cousins
Now the question is, what about 2014? I don’t make New Year’s resolutions – gave that up a long time ago. I realised that just because a new year had started didn’t mean I was magically going to find the discipline, motivation, time, mindset or any of the other tools that I would need but had not managed to find at any other time of the year. I mean, really, what makes the start of a new year any different?

The start of a new year is just an arbitrary line we have made in the sand. There is nothing intrinsically special about it. When it actually occurs is different depending on who you are – a follower of the Gregorian calendar, or the Islamic calendar, or any of the other calendars out there, or an accountant. Despite all this, there is a commonality – with all of these calendars, it's like everything from last year gets wiped clean and starts afresh. That even goes for the accountant – is zero-based budgeting still around?

Easter bunnies just around the corner
from the on-sale Lindt bears!
But wiping the slate clean doesn’t mean I’m going to change. I will still have an addiction to chocolate (in fact that is usually made worse around this time of year, due mainly to Lindt chocolate Christmas bears being on special for $1 at Target). I will still be unable to run (I’ve tried to do the C25K program at least 3 times – maybe I’ll try again this year, using a new app on my phone – that might make all the difference!). I will still HATE housework (the only time I could deal with it was when I had a cleaner).

As a result, there is no point in me making those resolutions that are standard for most people – lose weight, get fit, get the house looking reasonable. As for that most important resolution of all – not work so hard and spend more time with family – I’m retired, for goodness sake, how can I work less?

Healthy lunches of chocolate,
wine and coffee!
This year will be no different to last year. I will make a list of the things I want to do and be, make a plan for how I will try to tick those things off the list, and know that at this time next year, I will be doing the same thing again. But as I said, last year was a good one for me. I’m hoping that 2014 will be a good one too.


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